Jasper bit into his sandwich. The bread tasted like saw dust, and the meat was questionable. It and some beans were the only sustenance he was going to get before the afternoon show.
At this moment, Jasper’s face was still covered in mud, though by now it had dried. He hadn’t had time to fix his face. Jasper looked at his sandwich disgusted, knowing that he would have to eat it quickly so he would have time to prepare for the next show. His brother sat across from him on the picnic table, alongside Marbles, Jingles, and Bozo.
They might as well have had a clown-only section of the performer’s dining tent. The VIP section. Or rather the VUP section. If this was high school, they would have been the nerds and geeks and the Trapeze Darlings would be the cheerleaders. “We should just go sit with them” said Jasper, “Just to show them that we can. I mean, other than social tradition what’s keeping us?”
“They outta call you dumbo the clown,” Rufus responded.
“Yeah,” Bozo chimed in.
“What would that even accomplish?” Jingles asked.
Jasper responded, “I don’t know. Maybe we could stop getting shit on by the other carnies. Maybe they would give us gas when we needed it instead of making it a whole thing.”
“Fuck the other performers,” Rufus said.
“Yeah, Fuck ‘em,” Marbles echoed.
“You know,” Jingles said, “I’ve never actually watched any of the other acts.”
“Really?” Jasper said. “Not even the Darling’s?”
Jingles shrugged.
“Yeah… Well, even if they are too good to talk to us,” Jasper slouched in his seat. “Those girls have the best fucking act I’ve ever seen. I swear I saw them actually fly.”
“I know right!” Marbles said. “One time they were doing their flips and I thought that time had stopped or something… they just kept on spinning but managed to somehow stay in the air.”
Jasper had always been fascinated by the glamour of the Simon Bros. Trapeze Darlings. In fact, they were the reason he signed up for this specific show. Or rather, the crowds they drew in. Their act was something else—truly superhuman.
“They have got to be cheating somehow,” said Rufus. “I don’t know how but there is no way they can fly through the air like that legit.”
“They’re just…” Jasper thought for a moment, “magical.”
An otherworldly burp leapt from Bozo’s gullet. Without even taking a breath he transitioned right into saying, “Well, we’ll just have to see if this new lion tamer act can give them a run for their money.” He jammed a spoon into his beans and stuffed himself.
“What’s that?” Jasper said.
“I dunno his name,” Bozo said between chews—if they could even be called that.
“Some kinda fighter guy.”
“You mean like a strong man? We already got one of those,” said Jasper.
“Not a strong man! No. Well I mean, I suppose he’s strong. He must be actually now that I think of it.” Bozo trailed off into his beans.
“Bozo…”
“Right, he’s some kind of beast fighter. He has a lion and everything. Comes with the act.”
Jasper sniffed—as if that somehow constituted a response. A lion tamer? “Bet he gets eaten by the lion. Should be fun to watch.”
“Yeah,” Rufus said, guzzling down his beans. Jasper decided to follow suit. He stuffed the rest of the sandwich in his mouth and quickly replaced the taste. His cheeks were full and he slowly worked on swallowing it all before bidding farewell to his brother.
“I’m going to go back and fix my face up,” Jasper said.
“No amount of makeup in the world could do that,” Rufus joked.
“Very funny.”
As he stood up, he heard the giggle of Trapeze Darlings. There were three of them sitting together on the other side of the tent. It really was just like high school, though they were almost twenty years younger than him. Did that make him the loser from chemistry class or the depressing lonely janitor?
One of the Darlings—a blonde girl, he didn’t know her name or any Darling’s name for that matter—was the loudest giggler. Her laughter was like a distillation of all the humiliating cackling of the crowd during his act. They even seemed to be looking right in his direction. The blonde girl appeared to wave at him. Curious. He waved back.
“Hey Jasp?” Rufus said.
“Is that smoke?” Marbles shouted.
“Fire!” came Bozo.
It was his arm. Once again, his sleeve was aflame, and it wasn’t even showtime. Jasper waved his arm around frantically. He screamed for help and the clowns shot up and into action. They fumbled over one another until eventually they tackled him down to the ground and patted out the embers.
“Oh so you can put out a fire,” the Darling said, laughing.
They picked themselves up and faced the laughter of the freakshow. Five-Hundred Pound Sally, Powell the fire dancer, Hoy plus Doy the conjoined twins, and all three of the attending Darlings mocked their plight.
A tinge of madness flickered through Jasper. Where had the fire even come from? Not a single thing burned this side of the kitchen. The mysteriously appearing fire wasn’t what concerned him however. His arm stung in sharp pain and all the room had for him was laughter. He didn’t know what he was going to say to his tormentors, but it didn’t matter. “Keep laughing ladies,” Jasper said. “Heard Mr. Simon talking this morning. He’s fixing to make the lion tamer the new headliner. Your little gaggle won’t have a high wire left to stand on then.”
They simply laughed some more. They didn’t even respond to him.
“Jasp,” Rufus said, grabbing his good arm. “Don’t.”
Jasper pulled away. “I need to fix my makeup.”
He left the dining tent and made his way through the grounds.
Immediately upon flapping open the canvas tent door he was blinded by the crowd. There were paying customers left and right. He had to make silly faces at anybody who made eye contact with him. Though for the most part people tried to avoid him. He wasn’t sure if he should be offended by that or count it as a blessing. A few children cried at his appearance. They stuffed their faces deep into their mother’s legs. They hoped so desperately that the scary clown wouldn’t say hi to them.
He marched through them as best as he could.
A little girl wearing a purple dress with white stockings and pigtails stood looking right at him. She seemed curious. At first it looked like she was smiling.
He crossed his eyes and smiled wide while placing his hands outspread by his head as if they were antlers. She immediately burst into tears. Her mother quickly scooped her up and spat on him with a quickness that seemed far too fast for her to have given any thought. Spit! Of all things… Jasper wiped the saliva from his forehead. “Hey screw you lady,” Jasper said, spitting back. His spit draped across her shoulder. Quickly after that, a man, who seemed to appear out of nowhere from behind the lady, came at him with his fist. It landed swiftly in his left cheek and knocked him to the ground.
“Leave my family alone you creep,” the man said. He was about to kick him some more before Jasper interjected.
“You don’t want to do that sir.”
The man looked at him from above his boot. “And why’s that?”
Because, Jasper thought, you’re a sucker too. “Should’ve read the fine print on your ticket stub sir, you are libel to pay for any medical expenses you impose upon the performers,” Jasper lied. Customers never know anything. They’re the easiest ones to fool. “And,” he added. “Lost revenue from acts that don’t get to perform.” The man scowled at him for a moment, as if sizing him up. He spat on him just like his lady did, before walking away. Jasper picked himself up, as he always did, and brushed the dirt off. There was no spotlight this time, so he didn’t have to make any exaggerated movements. He rubbed his face as if the pain was just going to disappear with his touch. If anything, it just reminded him that he was hurt.
Jasper ambled the rest of the way to the clown tent. He could see the canvas flap that led inside. It beamed a message of sanctuary to him. Almost as if it were holding out two soft arms to envelope him in a hug. Jasper knew that it wasn’t like that. It was really a soggy room that smelt of feet and gasoline. Instead of hugs it had boxes of white face makeup. Yet it was home… and it was off limits to the customers. Safe from the locusts that plagued the fairgrounds.
It wasn’t too long before the rest of his clown brethren arrived to comfort him. Fresh from their meals and full of chuckles and slaps on the back. Marbles had even showed up with a scrap of chicken meat.
“We swiped it,” Jingles said excitedly.
“I told them not to,” Bozo explained. He was holding back a smirk however. “But Powell tried to talk about how we should audition for his dancing routine—what with the fire and all…well…”
“Well,” Marbles interjected. “We just decided you might need his chicken more than him. Especially since Cookie was so damn shitty about the ‘rations’ when we were in line.”
Rufus shrugged and smiled at Jasper. The kind of shrug that said, “What are you gonna do?”
Jasper had already removed his makeup by the time they arrived.
He broke off chunks of the chicken and spread it around their posse. Jasper offered the largest portion to his brother.
“No, no.” He said. Rufus’ smile was exaggerated by the blue paint that outlined his grin. Even past the makeup, Jasper could still see the caring man who would use his own two hands to dig him out of the deepest grave. “They did it for you.” Rufus laughed. “I think they want to fatten you up more so that you drop the car bit.”
Jasper glistened. “I’d never,” he joked.
However, the moment didn’t last. Even within his own sanctuary Jasper had to deal with the locusts. One such pest wandered through the tattered tent flap.
He was a young man with a certain madness hidden behind his eyes. Jasper could see it. A boy with matted hair and clothes covered in thorns and bristles. It was as if he had rolled around in a blackberry bush. The boy clutched his own shoulder and couldn’t maintain eye contact with anything. His pupils were so enlarged that he almost appeared demonic. He made his way into the tent mumbling something angrily to himself. When he saw them, the beast within him looked right at Jasper. The boy’s brow tightened, and he glared. He didn’t say anything.
“Can we help you with something?” Jasper shouted.
Adam McDonald 